From Work to Home

This upcoming weekend marks a significant change for me, for the family and for the company. I will be hiring my replacement and "retiring" to Homemaker. It was somewhat unexpected. Yet, as AG continues to grow and develop, we are all becoming aware that she needs to be exposed to more than just the office!

I think I have been more ready for this than I could have realized. The guilt of containing an active and inquisitive one-year-old has been immense. Tension among the family has grown as we all struggle with limited resources to achieve lofty goals. And, life has seemed rather bland with Sweetie and I involved in all the same events; we aren't stimulating each other much.

Yet, work for the past year especially, has been incredible in so many ways. One skill I did not have previously, is a presence of mind under stress. I have discovered how essential it is that I have all my "ducks in a row" before venturing into uncertain territory. Most importantly, I am learning how to set boundaries.

AG has no idea how amazing life is about to get for her. We have been fortunate to join a play group most weeks. With time less pressed I expect to be able to include her in more of my daily tasks and projects. Planting flowers? Sure we can spend time letting you play with the trowel and learning all the coordination that comes along with digging! Even now, she surprises me with the skills she can grasp after one or two repetitions. I can't fathom how quickly she is going to blossom when she can explore and experiment freely.

Certain enjoyable aspects of our lives have taken a back seat-many are in the nosebleed section-and I am looking forward to bringing them back to the forefront. Decorating, good cooking, gardening, and other creative outlets have been severely lacking. Sweetie and I both have deep creative tendencies. No matter how important the job, there will come a time that you must satisfy the soul. With this opportunity, that time has come.

And sleep... never before motherhood did I appreciate sleep. Enjoy it? Maybe. Appreciate its value? Not a chance. AG and I may take more than our share of naps together the first few weeks we are home.

While the needs of a toddler (not so much a baby anymore!), family, and home will take significant portions of energy, I am looking forward to exploring new skills and personality developments free of constraints.

Here's to transplanting home!

Sacred Mama's

There are small clusters of women in the world who make life bearable for one another. Often we call them friends, confidants, or simply "The Girls".

I knew breastfeeding AG would be satisfactory as far as health and nutrition. I knew that many women found the experience to be highly rewarding emotionally and hoped that would be true for us. I had no idea it would lead me to a group of women who I can trust with this little piece of my soul that lives outside my body!

 

So much of motherhood in the media and the "outside" world is portrayed as superficial and pretentious. I had expected to find much of the same in a small meeting room in the basement of the local hospital. It didn't matter at the time; I had a three week old baby, I was in pain, sleep deprived, rather alone* and terrified. I needed help even if it did come with superficial nonsense.

 

Instead I found a room full of women who just two weeks prior had bawled together over exactly what I was going through. They had taken off the mask and exposed themselves to reality, together. Since then more mothers, with even younger babies, have joined in and yet the sense of raw and sometimes brutal reality has not left us. Motherhood is hard. Breastfeeding is hard. Together it's a little less hard.

 

These women, and of course their beautiful children, have become a huge portion of my "village". I look forward to seeing updates about the kiddos and life in general. I relish our time together. There is absolutely no way for me to share with them how very much they mean in my life. All I can do is to continue to try being a supportive and real part of their's.

Ladies, you are the very best!

*Sweetie deserves credit here. He has never left my side. At this point he was doing not only his job but my job as well. Plus, two of our employees also had brand new babies so lives were crazy all around. He was doing everything possible to hold it together and did very well, considering all he was up against.

Altogether now!

It has been an embarassing length of time since this poor blog has had attention... but what better place to share my beautiful girl with the world?!

That's right. She is here, she is thriving and she is about to be on the move! Meet AG!

Next week we will celebrate seven months of life with our little one who, by the way, is not so little anymore. Part of me misses the days when she slept easily, laid still and fit in my lap... but I do honestly enjoy these days so much more. They are full of gummy and toothy grins, curiosity, dramatic advancements, and the very beginning of consciously returning our love. It is exhausting making sure any and every pen, pencil, stapler, clipboard, paper and phone cord is out of reach when I have her at work with me, but it is amazing to watch her interract with all the different objects and even more, to see her get SO EXCITED to get the opening of a water bottle to her mouth!

Now begins the time of seeing life in all its magic and majesty, with the maturity to really appreciate what I am experiencing!

ETA: Apparently this never published as it was directed to do... five weeks later, the sentiments are true even if the timing is off!